Cynicism and the Dying Heart

As I am doing ministry, I am coming across more cynical people than ever before. But if people only knew the cynicism that is overtaking many pastors as well, they would be shocked. Some years ago, I had to guard my heart because I started to find myself getting cynical about one of the greatest moment of a pastor’s life – seeing a person coming to Christ. My heart was so harden (or beaten down by ministry) I started to think to myself – “OK, let’s see how long this person will walk faithfully with Christ… they will probably fall away after a week of this commitment.”

It was that point I knew something was wrong with me and my heart. Cynicism creeps up even to the best of us. Therefore, when I came across this article it really gave me greater insights to a cynical heart.

David Burchett, who is an Emmy Award winning television sports director, author, and Christian speaker, wrote an article entitled, “Cynicism is Not a Spiritual Gift?” It was a response to streams of correspondence he had with Christians who are fighting cynicism.

Burchett was confronted with a cynical Christian in this e-mail that was sent to him. It read:

I’m a cynic by nature. I recognize human failings (especially the stupidity in myself) and I am amazed by the concept of grace and mercy – the idea that the Almighty would humble Himself to reach out to faulty, fallen beings is an awesome one. However, I noticed that with each passing year, as I see more and more of those failings I am getting more hardened with each passing experience.

It was my prayer years ago that as even as I see the reality of what is around us, I will still do good anyway, still love people anyway, and still believe in them anyway. I’m still trying hard, but I find it hard to keep myself “tender”. (please excuse the churchianty jargon. I have a rabid dislike for religious jargon in everyday communications, but it seemed appropriate for this occasion)

How do you keep yourself from becoming hardened or from being overwhelmed by cynicism?

In many ways, I think a lot of us can relate to this e-mail. It really does describe what is going on in our hearts.

Burchett humbly answers the person with this e-mail response:

First of all, it is okay to use churchianity jargon with me. I am bilingual – I speak Christian as a second language. So I know that being “tender” means keeping your attitude toward others loving and kind even when they behave like the south end of a north bound horse. Writer P.J.O’Rourke once said that ‘making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.’ And it can be just as easy to get angry at Christians who don’t seem to have read any of the things that Jesus said (conveniently in red letters) in the Bible.

So how do I keep myself from becoming hardened? I tried a cynics support group (Motto: Like I need YOUR support). That didn’t work. The truth is I don’t always keep myself from becoming hardened to people who are acting like Bad Christians. That is an ongoing process and I suspect I will be busy working on this till Jesus returns.

Here are a few things that I have learned so far in my journey.

I am the wretch that the song is talking about. When I finally put aside my pride long enough to do some honest self-examination I realized how far I was missing the mark and how amazing His grace is to accept me in my “as-is” condition. Realization of your spiritual weakness is not weakness. In the mystic dichotomy of God’s grace and justice acknowledging the inability to do anything to win God’s favor is an act of incredible strength. I told a buddy this week that the day I finally admitted I was just an idiot saved by grace was the day I began to actually grow in Christ.

I need to focus on Jesus. I get my undergarments misaligned when somebody says or writes a negative thing about me. But I have learned (with varying degrees of success) to focus on Jesus. Imagine if you had poured every ounce of your strength for three years into a person. And then that friend, at the moment of truth, turns his back on you, denies that you are a friend, and runs away. Not one denial of your friendship. Three times. And that person you had given everything to cursed as he threw you under the bus. How would I respond to that kind of friend? It is possible I would need a seven second delay to edit my comments for family viewing. That is what Peter did to Jesus. But what did Jesus do? He forgave Peter and He restored him.

I remember driving away from one of Joni’s early doctor appointments after her breast cancer diagnosis. Joni was driving her car as I followed her. She was distracted (imagine that) and missed her turn. She drove forward to the next opportunity to turn left and double back. Because she temporarily blocked the left lane a guy laid on his horn and started gesturing. I remembering thinking that this guy was not a quality human being (rough translation). I wondered if it would make a difference in the attitude of this, uhhh, not really nice homosapian if he knew what was going through my wife’s mind. He was busy worrying about his 20 second delay as she was thinking about her health, her family, her job, and maybe her life. So I try to step back, breathe, and ask for patience.

Finally, I look in the mirror. What I see there is a man who is capable of nearly everything I get angry about with others. And I am humbled again that somehow God is patient with me as I work this out. Regular readers know of my admiration for the group Casting Crowns. The song “Who Am I” comes to mind in this context.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.

Take a moment to meditate on that. Then take a moment to meditate on a later verse.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.

That God sees me and looks on me with love is mind boggling. How can I accept that love and not at least attempt to offer it to others? Because there is not a (Christian cussing warning) dang thing that I have done to deserve mercy like that. From a human perspective that person who incites cynicism probably doesn’t “deserve” grace. But did you? Did I?

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you’ve done.
Not because of what I’ve done,
But because of who you are.

So I guess that is the game-plan of how I try to not get hardened and cynical. Realizing who I was and what He has done. Focus on the One who understands rejection and suffering. Realize that others may be enduring real trials of their own. And understand that the God who sees me with all of my junk still looks on me with love.

On some days I execute the game-plan better than others. But that doesn’t mean it is not a good plan. It just means I have to spend more time in the playbook and with my Coach.


As I have been giving this topic of cynicism some thought, I came up with a few plays that I need to implement in my life:

1) More Contemplation – a lack of reflection and contemplation hinder me from seeing things the way God sees them. I need more time to be introspective. This will help me to see where my heart is at and it will allow the Holy Spirit to speak to me.

2) More Confession – pride is the fuel for cynicism. Whenever I get proud or when I see proud people, cynicism is not far behind. As I spend more time in contemplation, then I realized how much more I need God in my life. It is easy to judge other people and question their motives but when was the last time I judged and questioned myself that rigorously.

3) More Community
– the more I am around people, the more I see the need for God’s grace and mercy. When I am an island to myself, it is easy to think that everything is fine within my heart. But it is only as I interact with people that all the ugly stuff comes out. This helps me to be more humble. Also, community gives me an outlet to share with other people and receive prayer for my cynicism.

4) More of Christ – cynicism is often equated with our lack of faith. Hebrews 11:1-2 says, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” But cynicism is just the opposite – “not being sure of what we hope for and uncertain of what we DO SEE.” This road leads us to question people’s motives and even doubt the sincerity of people. Therefore, the more we focus on Christ rather than on people, we will be able to overcome cynicism one doubt at a time.

Spiritual ENTREPRENEUR, Church EQUIPPER, Leadership EDUCATOR, Ideas EXPERIMENTER & Global EXPLORER who is trying to transform lives and transform the world.
Posts created 1651

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top